Habit Muscles Over Resolutions

Every January it's the same circus: confetti, hangovers, and a fresh batch of resolutions that are dead by February. I quit making them years ago because I sucked at keeping them. Let's face it, most of us suck at them.

I prefer building my habit muscles over resolutions.

### Habits Versus Resolutions

Have you noticed some things come easy while others feel like pulling teeth? Riding a bike, brushing your teeth, driving to work -- you do those on autopilot. Learning a new language, cold-calling a prospect, writing copy on command -- those still take real effort. The difference isn't talent. It's mileage. The stuff that's easy is easy because you've built the habit muscle for it through repetition, not because you were born knowing how to do it.

For me, resolutions require more effort and focus than building habit muscles. Some of you will say it's the same thing, but I disagree. Resolutions are statements we make in a burst of New Year's adrenaline -- "I'll write a novel," "I'll never eat sugar again" -- that are unattainable for most of us. So we fail, and we fail fast.

Habits are actions we do automatically, without negotiating with ourselves first. They work like muscle: the more reps you put in, the stronger and more automatic they get. Think back to the first time you rode a bike. You wobbled, you fell, you had to think hard about pedaling and steering at the same time. Now you don't think about it at all. That's a habit muscle you built through sheer repetition, not a resolution you made on January 1st.

Same goes for any skill you've drilled into automatic territory -- shifting gears, throwing a jab, writing a headline that actually earns the read instead of getting skipped. It felt like work the first hundred times. Now it's just what your hands do.

When you try something new, or try to break an old habit, your brain has to work harder to remember to do the new thing instead of the old thing. That friction is normal. You're exercising a muscle that hasn't been worked yet.

So why is it so hard to stick to new habits or change old ones? Partly because it takes real time to build the muscle, the same way it takes months to add plates to a bench press. You have to be patient and keep showing up, even on the days it feels pointless.

The other reason: we try to do too much, too fast. Just like you wouldn't walk into a gym on day one and max out on deadlifts, you shouldn't try to overhaul your entire life in one shot. Want to start exercising? Don't sign up for a marathon in week one. Walk fifteen minutes a day and build from there. Your habit muscle needs a warm-up set, not a personal record.

My All-or-Nothing Problem

### I'm All In. But Should I Be?

I am an all-or-nothing person, which makes me highly susceptible to failure. I can't do a toe in the water. I am all in, or I am not doing it. It's only taken me 55 years to realize how I've failed myself with that approach. I look for the end result on day one, so I go hard -- so hard I can't sustain it. Then I fail and beat myself up. Lather, rinse, repeat.

As a writer, I've become habitual at my craft by writing something each and every day. I didn't make a resolution or proclamation to do this. I simply started doing it. Some days, I wrote the shittiest thing ever. Other days, I wrote magic. The point is I've built a habit muscle and continue to build it by doing. Yes, there are some days I can't write. The day I had shoulder surgery at 7 AM was one of those. Did I beat myself up over it? Nope. I realize it's unrealistic to think I can do this without fail, so I celebrate the days I do, which is about 350 days of the year.

It can also be hard to stick to new habits because life throws distractions and setbacks at you. You might be exercising like clockwork, then you get sick and lose a week. That shit derailed me every time I made a resolution, because it broke the pattern of the thing I was doing. When you're building a habit muscle instead, a broken streak isn't a failure, it's a rest day. Be flexible. Take the break when you need it, then get back to the reps.

How to Actually Build Habit Muscles

So how can you build up your habit muscles and stick to new habits? Here's what's worked for me after decades of trial and error:

1 Start small -- set small, achievable goals at first. Don't try to fast 24 hours straight if you've never fasted before. Build the muscle before you load the bar.

2 Be consistent -- try to do your new habit at the same time every day. Show up at the gym at 7 AM and try to be there at 7 every day you want to work out. Same time, same place, every rep.

3 Stay focused -- distractions kill new habits faster than anything else. Find a quiet place to do your new habit, or use a timer or planner to keep yourself honest. I like apps so I can gamify the whole thing.

4 Be patient -- building habit muscles takes time, the same way building physical muscle does. You might not bench press 100 pounds during your first workout, but I can now do 50 pounds I couldn't touch six months ago.

5 Celebrate small wins -- 10 push-ups are better than 0. Fasting for 12 hours is better than 2. A 50-pound bench press is better than 5. Stack enough small wins and they stop being small.

Building habit muscles is hard work, but it's worth it. By starting small, making the new habit a daily routine, tracking your progress, and being patient, you build up your habit muscles and make lasting changes in your life. Don't give up. Keep working toward your goals.

You will make mistakes; I do daily. But over time, you'll build some strong new habits -- the same way I built the habit of writing every day, and the same way any agency owner builds the habit of earning a client's trust instead of just babysitting the relationship. Reps beat resolutions. Every time.