In My Noisy Head

You know that little voice in the back of your head, the one that tells you to do something or not do something, and this is a good idea or this is a bad idea…? Well, that voice can sometimes be very loud, mine was at an 11 (sorry, not sorry, for the Spinal Tap reference) and very overpowering. Over the last few months, I've let that voice drive a lot of my decision-making, but it's time for that voice to be silenced.

Let me give you the genesis of this loud voice.

Back in December, I took some time off to spend with the family. I thought, The last two weeks of the year are usually nice and quiet. I'm going to spend time with my family and friends as the holidays are approaching.

Now, I realize we're talking about a very strange year. 2020 was just a strange year for everyone.

Sometime during the Christmas break, I contracted COVID, and I didn't realize it until New Year's Day when I was in my garage fixing a shelf that had fallen down. My wife came into the garage and noticed I was winded.

She asked, “Why are you so out of breath?”

I thought to myself, Well, I'm crunched in a closet trying to put a bracket up; it's probably that.

But it wasn't.

Over the next several days, I got really sick. In fact, there was a point in my sickness where I actually thought, This might kill me.

I literally could not breathe. This was serious, and I was scared. Man, this has got to end. This has got to get better, I thought.

As the days and weeks went on, I started documenting my COVID-19 experience on Facebook. It was clear I wasn't going back to the office because I was so sick. That started to play with me mentally.

During COVID, I developed these terrible chest pains in my sternum, right in the center breast bone. The chest pain panicked me even more. I noticed more and more shortness of breath—I just could not catch my breath. So, my doctor sent me to a pulmonologist for some testing. The pulmonologist sent me to a cardiologist for additional testing. The pulmonologist was checking my lung function, and the cardiologist was keeping an eye on my heart. But the cardiologist made an interesting discovery—an electrical conduction issue.

Now you have to understand; I am not a physician, but I do know that COVID is an incredibly inflammatory virus. There's a lot of inflammation with COVID, and I was experiencing quite a bit of inflammation internally. COVID affected my body in a weird way, and I went through several different health issues over the course of about 50 to 60 days. I had lingering issues from COVID. This is where the voice in my head started to kick in.

I was so consumed with my health, so consumed with getting healthy and getting well, I stopped doing all the things in my business I would normally be doing. I stopped being the driver of conversations in Facebook groups. I stopped being the voice heard (or read) everywhere.

As I started to feel better, and as healing took over, I felt like I was coming back. That voice in my head kept telling me, Oh, not yet. Put it off till tomorrow. No, you don't need to do this now.

So I continued to not do the things I would normally do that drive and build business for my company. I finally went back to the office in March. So, I wasn't in my office from December 15th until… let's call it March 15th. I was out for a long time.

I still could not put in full days at the office because, quite honestly, I was exhausted (but I was getting better). And I had something to look forward to in April. I was to deliver my first live Keynote speech since the start of the pandemic. My foggy brain was shifting toward the direction of doing something very normal for me. But then that voice in the back of my head kept trying to stop me from doing all the other things.

April rolls around, and I deliver my keynote in Dallas, TX. I was thrilled with how it turned out. The audience was receptive. The people at Master Networks were amazing. Everything went great until I saw the footage—the playback of my keynote. And I realized how out of breath I was on stage. I was short of breath the entire time.

If you listen to my presentation on stage, you'll hear it too. I had friends listen to it. I had to ask, “Do you hear that?”

Back to the doctor’s office I go because I'm still not recovered from COVID. That's when the cardiologist discovered an issue. We started reviewing tests and labs… which, again, put me further back in my head, deeper in my thought process, literally consuming me and contaminating my every thought.

I felt paralyzed.

Now, fast forward to today, where I’m telling you the entire story. Unfortunately, the last few weeks haven't been any different from the previous five to six months. Why? Because I'm in my head… Here are the conversations I'm having with myself:

"If you come back now and start sharing things, people are going to go, where the hell…?”

“Um, you don't do that. What are you doing?”

“You don't have any authority.”

“People don't know who you are. You've gone irrelevant in the last six months.”

“Don't do that. You shouldn't get online and do videos and content and share because, really, you've been dark for so long.”

“Just keep doing what you're doing. Don't do that.”

You see, the voice in my head kept telling me to stop doing the things I knew were relevant to growing business… the things that grow business. And it wasn't telling me those things because it's a great voice, one I should listen to.

It was self-doubt. And I have to tell you we all have it. It doesn't matter how successful you are. It doesn't matter how big a business you've built. It doesn't matter how big your company is.
When you get in your head, you're dead.

I got in my own head, and I allowed myself to be consumed with faults… literally consumed by my thoughts. I want you to understand that thoughts are only powerful if you give them power. Thoughts aren't real… They are not reality. Reality is the circumstance, right? Do not give away your power!

The circumstances I have because of COVID is an electrical conduction issue in my heart. That's the fact. It's undeniable.

The rest are simply thoughts, feelings, ideas, conversations… not facts.
So, when that voice pipes up… just remember: when you get in your head, you're dead.

Push through it. I failed to do that from December until now. It stops now.

Here’s the thing… I had zero people listening, engaging, and following when I started my business… I can do it again. All I have to do is take action.

Remember: overthinking and negative thoughts can paralyze you. Next time you have a thought that says, You can't do it, or It’s not worth doing… Listen to what Nike says and Just do it.