The Weight of Perceived Expectations

Expectations carry weight. Perceived expectations surmount to a weight that is unquantifiable and therefore, burdensome and undoubtedly heavy. What happens when you fall victim to perceived vs actual expectations? Well, you most likely despise not only your job but also your boss.

I know that not every workplace is a safe place to air your concerns, and there are some bosses that could care less about your feelings and workplace morale. But kicking perceived expectations to the curb may just change your life.

First things first: DON’T be a doormat. It doesn’t do ANYONE (including yourself) any favors. I learned this lesson the hard way. People-pleasing only gets you so far. And eventually, you are going to be at the end of your rope.

What REALLY happens when you are busy people-pleasing (or boss-pleasing) is you’re setting yourself AND your employer up for failure. Think of it like this: you are a big heat source in a culture of bad workplace practices. Do you know what lives in a culture and loves a good heat source? Bacteria. Your actions help the bad stuff in the culture grow…and spread. Because it’s not just you. It’s the four other coworkers you’re complaining to. It’s the ones who see that ‘yes’ attitude getting rewarded more than anything else. But more on that later...

Being the doormat is a slippery slope. From one belittling comment about a missed signature flag springs forth so much more. But it all boiled down to this: one of us is more important than the other. One of us is worth more. One of us deserves more. (Hint: it wasn’t me.)

I didn’t know how to stand up for myself, so instead of constructive feedback, the pattern became toxic. Humans make mistakes. We all do it. Instead of forthright acknowledgment of an error (real or perceived, depending on the day), I got belittled. After hearing enough of this type of feedback, I began to believe the implication: I didn’t value my employer’s time. I didn’t respect them. I didn’t… (Notice there’s never a “we” in there?) I got so worried about every action, every task, every moment being put under a microscope that I couldn’t do my best work.

It’s the exact opposite of what everyone wants. But that’s how these things go.

It’s hard to look back at the experience I had at that job. Sure, I think my employer could have done better. No one there was a bad person. But what I really look back on and cringe at is the thing I DIDN’T do.

I didn’t stand up for myself. I didn’t speak up. I fell into a cycle of boss-pleasing that wasn’t really pleasing ANYONE. We missed so many opportunities to reset patterns, find better ways to work together, and reduce the stress (not to mention the disfunction) in the workplace.

So, this isn’t me venting, or telling you to come work for Ad Zombies (although this radical candor thing we’re doing is working pretty dang well.) This is about empowering employees to respectfully address issues like the ones I faced. They may not be your fault, but they won’t change on their own. And is it really worth it for you to drag the weight of that stress around? To take it home with you? For me, it wasn’t.

Regardless of the job type, workplace morale matters.

It can be at McDonald’s or Amazon, doesn’t matter.

If you hide your feelings about what’s going on in your workplace it doesn’t do anyone any favors. If you feel like there is strength in numbers and by venting your grievances to co-workers it makes things better…well, you’re not exactly wrong, but you’re definitely not right.

Venting to your co-workers might expose the problem, but it doesn’t fix it. It actually reinforces negative workplace practices. If collectively you all feel and experience the same issues, vocalize your concerns. This doesn’t mean bashing your boss, it just means coming up with a solution to the problems you’re feeling and experiencing together.

We don’t live in a perfect world, and maybe you and your boss just butt heads. But, if you at least make your concerns known, you have tried your best and you can look for a healthier place of employment elsewhere without being stuck in the cycle of perceived expectations.

Empower yourself! Arm yourself with your strengths and weakness and take them in stride. Don’t be a doormat, and don’t get so busy perceiving expectations that you miss out on reality, because the odds are you’ll do a much better job and feel a lot happier when you are working with ACTUAL expectations.

MJ Levine

Mission Control Specialist & CEO Wrangler @ Ad Zombies