Why Encouraging Failure Is The Way to Go
Mom Meaghan: It's totally normal to try and fail a bunch of times before you succeed or get good at something. And sometimes, it just doesn't work.
Mom Meaghan: It's totally normal to try and fail a bunch of times before you succeed or get good at something. And sometimes, it just doesn't work.
Work Meaghan: Gotta make it work or I'm gonna be in huuuuuge trouble come annual review time.
The Psychology of Why We Can't Quit
I recently listened to a great episode of WorkLife with Adam Grant called "How to Rethink a Bad Decision." He dives into why we (humans) have such a hard time changing course once we make a decision or a commitment.
It's about more than "sunk cost theory" — there's a psychological trap called "escalation of commitment." If we don't have the self-awareness to see it, we can stick with a project for FAR too long.
A big problem with that is that we don't normalize failure at work. Except in baseball. In baseball you're GREAT at your job if you hit 3 out of every 10 balls pitched your way.
What Baseball and Parenting Get Right About Failure
As a mom, I work really hard to encourage TRYING more than I reward results. Because showing up when you don't know if you'll succeed…that is hard.
Want to see that in action? Check out the moms of Dick's Sporting Goods in their Mother's Day 2021 promo.
[True aside I cannot in good conscience leave out here: when we had JUST gotten internet at my house, my brother was super excited to look at new basketball gear. So he went to www.dicks.com, and got QUITE the surprise.]
As my kiddo gets older, I want him to have a healthy relationship with hard work. To know that life is a lot like the scientific method (make a hypothesis, test it, watch it fail, adjust it, test again, etc, and so on). And sometimes you just can't make the theory work.
We're All Lying About Results
In most companies and work scenarios (or relationships), we sell the idea of results. We sell THE BEST ROI, or GUARANTEED RESULTS, or a PERFECT THING YOU COULDN'T HAVE IMAGINED ALONE.
We brush under the carpet all the work, testing, and failing that gets you from idea to result.
And, more problematically, we don't give up on an idea that isn't working because we're afraid to look like failures. Which costs us time, money, and the opportunity to move on to something that COULD actually work.
Build a System That Rewards Bailing Out
When the SYSTEM rewards the money you save the company when you bail out early instead of beating a (proverbial) dead horse, that changes everything. People don't feel the need to posture or save face, they can focus on the things that have the most potential to move the company (or team or client) forward.
Does your system reward a "win at all costs" mentality (which probably means wasted time, effort, and a degradation of your culture)? Or, should your system reward objective assessment and making the right call for the company over egos?
Frequently Asked Questions
According to the WorkLife with Adam Grant episode Ken references, escalation of commitment is a psychological trap that goes beyond simple sunk cost theory. It's why humans have such a hard time changing course once we make a decision or commitment—and without self-awareness, we can stick with a failing project for FAR too long.
Most companies and work scenarios sell results—THE BEST ROI, GUARANTEED RESULTS, the PERFECT THING. We brush all the testing, work, and failing under the carpet, and we're afraid to give up on ideas that aren't working because we don't want to look like failures. This costs us time, money, and opportunities to move on to something that could actually work.
Ken wants his kid to understand that life (and work) is like the scientific method: make a hypothesis, test it, watch it fail, adjust it, test again, etc. Sometimes you just can't make the theory work, and that's okay—trying and showing up when you don't know if you'll succeed is what's hard and worth encouraging.
Ken argues systems should reward the money you save when you bail out early instead of beating a dead horse. When people don't feel the need to posture or save face, they can focus on things with the most potential to move the company forward—not waste time with a 'win at all costs' mentality that degrades culture.
